Late Late Night Blues

Late at night, for me is the finest time of the 24 hour day. The world around is silent, albeit the dogs remind us that they do have a voice that goes bow-wow at night from time to time. The scene is wonderful if you ask me the early mornings are a close second. Hmmm! the night time the pitch black skies, stars glimmering in the distance. The full moon's rays casting a shadow as I put keyboard to notepad. Lampposts (which are quiet unromantic I believe in and around Mumbai. Yes! you heard me Un Bloody Romantic) light the street below hardly a soul seems to residing on this planet. A Lonely, soulfully lit world it seems. The darkly lit houses only add to the fervor that comes with the night.

It is for me the best time to wander my mind, best time to write, to contemplate, to do everything that seems useless but in actual fact gives me so much pleasure. Just wandering my mind!....making it go crazy with imagination and mental imagery. The thoughts and also the memories create a hazy sense of helplessness and also felicity.

The silent cold night and the music of Robert Allen Zimmerman aka Bob Dylan combine for a wonderful treat of imagery and romance. Bob Dylan and his music which I have discovered in this past year is a vehicle to transport you to some wired imagination always, like it is doing right now. As I see a 21 year old male from Mumbai with dried tears of hope, wearing a brown/black tee shirt, jeans and sneakers. His hands clinging on to his chequered bag holding back himself against unleashing his personality on to the world.

His eyes are a sight to behold if you look closely. Some might find them simple black eyes. but theres something different you can see visuals, for instance of a beautiful young lady, sitting by the seaside, you can see how he yearns to be beside her, to touch her, sit down on that table for two with just the simplest cup of tea or coffee.

But its only the imagination. You feel like finding a magic wand to turn her into reality. You want to hold her and turn her into real but it will not happen. she refuses to turn to reality. So how does it feel to be a complete unknown just like a rolling stone?...lol Ive lost this.

Any one still reading?
Reality is makes one singled out. That is for the useless souls like me who stand, imagine, think and reason why? You stare at people passing you by on any regular Mumbai street everyone seems to be in a hurry you wonder why are they in such a hurry? do they actually even wanna go anywhere? Why do I see majority of the people expressing emotions of frustration and restlessness are they not happy? What might be the reason?

And as the night ends. Just as the sun is about to rise, right after dawn. The dewdrops clinging on to your window pane, the birds beginning to chirp. You suddenly realise that you are infact a bit sleepy.

Good Night Everyone! :)

The Rolling Stone That I am

Seasons greeting firstly to everyone. Its been quiet a long time since I put pen to paper or maybe keyboard to blogpost, apologies to the dozens of people who actually were forced to read what I wrote :).

Don't quiet have a reason as to why I haven't "blogged" for about 2 and a half months now. I could chalk out a colossal number of reasons but to be honest I didn't really know as to where my blog was going. Abstained kept away, kept away some more tried to conceal the urge to write, tried to turn off that entity in my neural structure or brain for most that invigorated me to write. Couldn't so here I am same old same old, writing about my neo nostalgic dirt. I am used to it, its my style atleast some people like it.

As I sit at this sorry excuse for a cafe, with the assemblage throwing me back to my school days, i light up my hookah sipping on my cutting chai. Its 10 pm I have not yet gone home from office, dont feel like have zilch to do at home except for my daily indefinite quantity of msn messenger which for once in my lifespan im actually excited to log on too.

Come to think of MSN messenger was never really the 'gods gift to man kind' but hey it works for me or it has over these past few months. I dont know how or what to name her, I dont even know how I got so close to her, not even sure whether i would even get to be with her or even experience her lovingness in the real world. I dont know who she is in reality. I dont quiet think I can name her, cant put together a name for her probably I'd just call her 'she' for now. Its as if I write up a song everytime we talk dont know where our conversation leads but most often than not it leads to a feeling of sanctity and peace. Dont know if it is appropriate to write about her at this stage, havent figured out what we are to each other, just friends? better than friends? companions? lovers? I dont know what to name it? the status still hangs loose but it dosent really matter.

I always hated geography in school that's what she told me. Geography is perhaps the only reason as to why I and she cannot be together for atleast now. But for hopeless romantics like me a word like cannot does not quiet exist in my limited dictionary. I for one was quiet sure that the possibilities of me having a relationship after my first horror show were totalling up to none. Come to think of it, I suck at most things a guy 'should be' in order to be with the ladies. However, with this lady in Dubai its different I can be myself with her, I can talk for hours on end and being romantic just comes naturally to me when I'm with her. I could describe my relationship with her as a the first tender kiss of a relationship, Its like both the beings involved are excited but dont quiet know what to expect from this. The tempo of our conversations fluctuates, being my difficult self comes just naturally to me, problems arise good times are majorly prevalent though, ands that enough of this, she I hope will read this and smile.

The NGO Sandhyalay kindle a sense of emotionalism in me. The one which perhaps I hadnt seen before. I surprise myself as to how dedicated I am towards that place. Just today I sojourned the domiciles of a few of my kids at the ngo. Micro they are but they are coated with love. The kind that we rich folk are jealous of. Being with an NGO brings you face to face with dark, evil and gloomy horror tales. Stories of young mothers been beaten up, abused sexually and mentally, thrown out irreversibly, with little babies to support Ive been in the company and even interacted with these strong individuals. How is the human mind so destructive and evil?
The male intellect sometimes I feel brings out its ugly head once to often It thinks out of impulse rather than reason. Gruesome tales of rape and the victims 9 kilometer walk bruised and battered to file a complaint. Support in any form is what an NGO gives like ours. Kids our age seem to be enthralled at the concept of volunteering and putting on a mask of wanting to give back to the society. Volunteering is not for attention seekers, its a developmental effort to gradually uplift a certain section of the society. I keep hearing some yank about a young India wanting to make a change wanting to bring about a social revolution. As i sit here with a hookah in my hand and a cutting in the other, I see youngsters to tied up in their own little worlds bickering about how filthy mumbai has become or how hurt they have been since their relationship ended or how I sympathise with the underprivileged and how we want to join the NGO but dont cause we too bored on that day. sigh!

Perhaps I will be a little more generous with my posts, or perhaps i will go into 'blogging hibernation' for about another couple of months who knows what I will do. Im too unpredictable even to myself.

Until Next Time

Sanjay Dutt: Screen Colossus, Real Life ?

I was looking forward to the 31st of July since the last few days ever since it was announced that this would be the day for Sanjay Dutt's sentencing. As the day dawned Sanjay Dutt slipped out of my mind, well had stuff to take care of and places to go to. Although I was hoping Sanjay Dutt would be let of with a lighter verdict.

Sanjay Dutt has always been my favourite movie star of all time, ever since Khalnayak. I remember my self taking part in the fancy dress competitions in my building dressed as Sanju baba from Khalnayak. We've literaly grown up watching Sanjay Dutt movies. Watchin Khalnayak in the cinema long long time ago sent chills down my little spine, especially in the scene when Police officer Jackie Shroff beats up the criminal Sanjay Dutt. I so hated Jaggu dada at that moment. I vaguely think back to that day in theater, calling back to those whistels and cheers when Sanjay Dutt broke into the song 'Nayak Nahi Khalnayak hoon mein...' wearing a pecuilar outfit. Well that movie was a blockbuster a movie that none had ever experienced before.



Those were the early 90's the years when the image of Sanjay Dutt was begininning to build from a boy in 'Rocky' to a man, a performer in 'Khalnayak'. And then suddenly it all came crashing down for the man and for us his fans. Sanjay Dutt was arrested and jailed for 18 months. I couldnt tell between reality and fiction back then and was convinced that Sanjat Dutt was solely responsible for the bomb blasts (he played a baddie in Khalnayak :P ). If one looks back it was sort of a blurred line between the real and the reel.

A year and a half later Sanjay Dutt was a free man. He was attending film awards ala the Filmfare awards 1996 when he walked the stage along with all the other baddies of the film industry. I had a huge grin on my face that day. My Favourite movie star was free again.

However, Some of Sanjay Dutt's best performances were yet to come Vaastav got the man his first and only filmfare award as 'best male actor'. Vaastav for me was his finest performance, the man acted like a million bucks. During the late nineties there was those comedy movies along with david dhawan and govinda, which were quiet ok i'd say.

But Munnabhai changed everything. It was a role that every guy could relate to. The attributes of Munnbhai everyone wanted to have. People couldnt get enough of Munnabhai and Circuit.

A Couple of years later came Lage Raho Munnabhai The best movie i'd ever seen. I was overjoyed, the man whose movies i'd grown up watching had given us a movie we could all enjoy. The Goodness of Munnbhai rubbed off on everyone who seen the movie. People were inspired by this character.


And the came 31st July. Sanjay Dutts jounrey from Rocky to Munnabhai all came down to this one day. When i switched on the news at 2.20 pm the News Flash ticker had the following words 'Dutt gets 6 years in jail' I was to shocked to react, that spoon full of dal and rice never reached my mouth it just stopped mid way. I was unhappy to say the least, more than sadness i felt a sense of anger when I heard Kirron Kher speaking on Times Now, she said something powerful and true 'Rapists and murderers are sitting in the Lok Sabha, and a nice man like Sanjay Dutt gets 6 years in jail'. For a few moments I couldnt believe what I was watching as I've mentioned earlier he was the man whose movies we grew up watching, he was the man who had given us moments of cinematic joy and thrill over the years, a man who according to most had been punished enough already before. Did he deserve this? To add to my agony stupid news channels like Aaj Tak interviewed comman people on the street in Delhi who had zilch knowledge about the case, they branded him 'a terrorist' those fuckin morons didnt realise that this same court had aquitted Sanjay Dutt from all charges of him being a terrorist.



Although, I feel that the Indian Judiciary did nothing wrong today. It had a set of laws and procedures to abide by. It was like a bittersweet symphony. Most people seemed ok with the verdict calling it a victory of the judiciary the others were sad and doleful. For most their hero had gone for 6 years. Like me many quiet liked the personality and the persona that was Sanjay Dutt.

As I look back, from the day I watched my first movie of his 'Naam' till today 31st July. I see a star who was troubled and punished over the years (from drugs to illegal possesion of weapons). I know the goodness of Munnabhai cannot change what has happend today. He sadly will be remembered for this judgement rather than the coloussus screen persona that was Sanjay Dutt.

My Felicitation Speech

Greek philosopher Heraclites once said; “There is nothing constant in life except change”

Today as I stand before you I am reminded of his powerful words. 20 years have passed by…times have changed, life has changed for the better….

We have lived chapters of our lives!...

We’ve grown up haven’t we?

I still remember my first day at the nursery, my nursery teacher made me sit with a girl…I was like “teacher get me out of here I don’t wanna sit next to a girl” and then there was the kinder garten I was a shy timid kid…and I ran to the back end of class…

years passed by….we were all growing up together in different parts of Bombay and soon 10 years of schooling was done….

And then came college!

It just seems like yesterday when I stepped into this college as a boy 5 years ago, it rained back then and it is raining today. 5 years have gone by to quickly to be true, I still remember the endless annual day practices, the numerous college festivals that we took part in and every single detail still revolves in my head.

And so we have today the 28^th of july another chapter closes in our lives. And I am saddened, apprehensive and happy, all at the same time.

Happy because I am stepping out into the world after my graduation, the end of my long years as a student (though some of us, may want to continue as one…I am still at the cross-roads as far as that decision is concerned) and happy that a whole new world out there awaits my entrance as I am come to conquer and succeed.

Apprehensive because, I know not what awaits me and what perils and obstacles lie ahead in my path to success and fortune.

But most of all today, I am saddened. I am leaving behind my alma mater second home – my college. When I entered college 5 years ago, I was just a boy, and today. 5 years on, as I graduate…I have become an adult. The vital years of my life have been spent here. My values and ethics have taken shape here and it is here that I have learnt to make my decisions myself and not rely on anyone for making them.

I am saddened that I will no longer have the love and support of my professors in education but also helping me realize my talents. And I speak from personal experience because I know how shy I was when I entered college. I had never thought of myself as a speaker or a compere. I had never been on stage and today look, as I stand here talking to you, I can’t believe how far I have come. And just like me, I know there are several others here, who themselves could not have foreseen this transformation in themselves when they left school.

Words fail me as in my expression of thanks to my teachers, for they have believed in me and stood by me all throughout. Our principal, Dr. Sheila Purohit, our past co-ordinators Mrs Akshata Kadam and Miss. Aditi Khanna and all our teachers, our heartfelt thanks to you. We will miss your advice in our journey from here on. But rest assured the values and messages you have given us will stay with us all throughout.

To the support staff and college management, once again, our wholehearted gratitude for all that you have done for us.

And this speech is incomplete without you guys!

. We can never forget:

Goa / Bangalore trip

Projects

SSM Projects

But guys, in the final analysis….we have survived and lived to tell our tale!

Moses once said "in the begininning God created heaven and earth and it was good and then he created the Tolani College BMS batch of 2007 and it was very good!"

And guys check your selves before you wreck yourselves....Success be to all!

Harry Potter and the apathetic blogger

Dear one and all in the hall (and in the tent)
Firstly let me start this post by thanking each and everyone of the crickets who reply with their comments. It is truly encouraging especially Tanuj, Nishant, Bronessa and Disha and also the others who have commented grateful to all!



Ok so its that time of the year again when every one goes potters. Every few years Harry Potter mania sweeps across the globe, children, women, teens flock to book stores to read about the newest happenings in the world of wizardry of which Harry Potter rules over.

Ive largely remained immune to potter-mania and I dont have an explanation as to why. I guess Ive never been the one to be mesmerised by the wizardry and the magic that revolves around Harry Potter.

But things came to a boiling point when my mom who was watching CNN-IBN's "potter nama" asked me whether I had pre-ordered a copy of the 7th book. God! I hope she was joking.

OK I must admit, the series is great, well atleast it encourages kids to read. Its more socially acceptable than comic books. But what I fail to decipher is the cult like following that the Harry Potter series enjoys.

Ive seen just one installment of his movies which was the last one and to be honest it really didn't do much for me, infact it was quiet boring for one I didn't know who was harry, how he did what he did and why he did it and secondly Ive never quiet liked movies which are based on fantasies. I was although highly amused by the ohhs and aaahs of the kids in the cinema when Harry performed some death defying witchcraft or whatever it is called.

I only got to know the major synopsis around potter when I was talking to my friend Shreya last night. Every single detail was explained by her and she also told me that she finds the guy who plays harry potter i.e. Daniel Radcliffe quiet hot. One thing is for certain, Daniel Radcliffe likes the fame and dosent mind the ladies that come with it. Hide your daughters that Harry is a cad!...lol :P

I dont really know where I'm going with this post. But I had a question that is bugging me all through this week

DO REAL MEN ACTUALLY READ HARRY POTTER?

Now some would suggest that real men would much rather enjoy a book like "The Godfather" or on the other hand some would describe a real man as someone who wouldn't mind letting out the kid in him once in a while by reading / watching Harry Potter.

Some suggest that this shouldn't be a question at all. They are off the opinion that the books you read do not define your masculinity If you refuse to read or do something simply because it's dubbed childish or nerdy, then maybe it's you that needs to find your manhood.

While others suggest its kinda Wuss to go through a book that is enjoyed the world over by kids and women.

I'm not sure as to where I stand in this debate. As for me I wont be buying the 7th book or watching his movie (unless someone asks me nicely :P) simply because Harry Potter dosent interest me, he never will and never has.

Lastly Id like to add that a 'real man' would choose to read whatever he wants to. Be it a kiddy book, war novels, murder mystery or even porn.

I really am amazed as to how much all of us out there love witchcraft. You dont have to look far to see it, the picture is there right in front of your eyes. In the news papers, on the TV. I fail to understand what this obsession with Harry Potter is all about. Well, as for me I'll just sit back and watch all the madness surrounding Harry Potter around me acknowledge Harry Potter and move on.

Until next time when I plan to write about my favourite movies!
Take Care everyone and please leave your comments :D

High BP 1 Rahul 0

OK so I am back! not exactly from the brink of fighting life and death but recovering from High Blood Pressure at my tender age :( , ok so yeah 1 in 3 young Indian males have a High BP. Consider a scenario your good male friend writes a blog to say his blood-pressure numbers are high. Scary High!. He just clocked in with a BP of 176 over 120. You give him a pep talk, tell him to get treatment, and close the web page with smug assurance - glad your not in his place. You never know turns out your buddy and you more in comman than you knew.

So coming to the topic on hand I was admitted in the Holy Spirit hospital on Wednesday night, when my dreams of becoming a pilot came shattering down not for the first time. Most of you know that i have this keeda in me of flying and being responsible for individuals on an airliner, I had infact given a medical examination (class 2 medicals) in January and failed cause of High BP. That is when my fight with BP began. I had assurances over this 6 month period that my BP had reduced through a few random checks, well to be honest it had through constant yoga and meditation. But Wednesday night proved wrong, I went for a random BP check to a doc, where i realised my BP was scary fckin High 176 over 120 man....it was scary the doc seemed concerned my dreams of being a pilot according to him were all but dead, that left a tear in my eye. I was ok trying to get over another failure in my life until i seen my dad...he had tears in his eyes, that image made me sink in depression, why was i such a fckin looser always?

OK enough of self pity. The Doc advised me a few medical tests for the heart, cholesterol, stomach and kidneys. My Dad called up Holy Spirit hospital and got me admitted immediately. As i stepped in to the hospital with the gloomiest face ever the nurses had a look on their face saying 'is this guy suffering from depression?'



Over the course of 3 and a 1/2 days that spent in my room C-209 I had lots of different experiences mostly fun and from it re-emerged a new confidence of succeeding one day if not sooner than definitely sometime down the line. Tests were performed on me over the 3 days every single fckin test was normal my results were excellent. The only problem was my fluctuating BP sometimes high and then 12 hours later normal!.

I made alot of new friends there two priests, a geologist, a retired farmer a few other uncles and discovered a new friend from my college who also was admitted on account of high BP heh heh and he was 21 :p as i said 1/3 young Indian males, oh and not to mention the nurses in my ward from mallu land who were hilariously funny. There was this gay mother fucker in the room next to me who would stare at me continuously whenever I took a walk in the corridor grrr...heh heh. Let me describe my room for a bit it was almost like a 3 star hotel, nice cozy bed, a working ac, a clean and enjoyable toilet environment :p, a comfortable couch, TV, a fridge and a cupboard heh heh all to myself for 3 and a half days and the service was exceptional too and the food was good though i did have apprehensions at first.

The scene at a hospital can be quiet a humbling experience. I say that cause you want the people around you to have a tinge of pity on you. I'd be lying if i said i didn't hey after all its human. On Thursday I took a walk around the hospital just to have a look around to see what a hospital is actually like. I strolled through the ward for children and i seen little children having terrible ailments. I sat for my turn at the diagnosis and seen young adults our age paralysed having kidney failures etc etc. I thought to my self I should fckin stop pitying myself, feeling sorry for them wont make their lives any better. So I just walked up to a few patients and said a little hello and a hi and asked em how they were feeling. Although the deed was small it was fulfilling atleast it bought a smile on their face.

I felt so fckin Happy when my friends came to visit me every single day :D. My friends were a solid support to me through this experience.

On Saturday a senior sister came and visited me. The stern and motherly sorts and gave me a firing heh heh saying it was terrible to have a high BP at my age and ordered me to change my lifestyle :P, I wasn't like mind your fckin business infact I quiet liked it.

I dont know what else to include in this post of mine. I'm falling short of thoughts, I know I would think of something 3 hours from now and say to my self "damn! i forgot to include this!"

Oh yes I have to have to mention my friend Vanda in this post who was like a pillar. Van! your a fckin rock star. Loads of Love :D I havent given up hope of being a pilot cause BP can be controlled within no time just a matter of weeks.

And I'd like to end this by saying sleep is gods gift to humanity :P. Sleep well and you never will fall ill

Until Next time
God Bless and stay healthy !

Ode to the rain cloud!

Ah! The Winds, The Rains, The Waters. The Rains are here and how I love it. The Monsoon is so poetic, so romantic the entire season is like poetry recital calming and exciting!

Masses of dark clouds are arriving from over the Arabian Sea. I had been breathlessly waiting for the monsoon to arrive partly because it was bloody stinking hot and also because quiet simply I am in love with the rains.

The first rains always brings with it happiness but also brings that dusky smell of mud. I still remember those school days :D. The new school year starts on the 13th of June, getting ready for school and also welcoming the arriving monsoon ah those were the days!, walking to school in my school uniform with ankle length high water wearing gumboots, Yes! gumboots I wore em when I was a little kid and I am proud of that. Those moments make me wanna go back in time.

Rains also remind of the water that accumalted in our building compund every single year no matter how many times we tried to improve the drainage system. It was harrowing for the uncle and aunties but we children could care less. The water was a mixture of rain and gutter water :P as i said we could care less so we kids would have our monsoon party splashing water on each other, playing football in it.

Once we were playing football in that very muddy water. So this one guy kicked the ball and the next thing we knew was the guy standing opposite had that muddy yucky water in his mouth hahaha! it was the funniest expression on his face ever. There was this one day, when we would just not stop we were splishing splashing water, shouting, doing the craziest things in this one rainy day put on a nice show for the on-lookers until our mums came down and dragged us home shouting and pulling our ears :p..hahah..



However, over the last few years the charm of the rains in Mumbai has somewhat diminished . Now a days most Mumbaikars hate the rains and everything associated with it. The endless traffic jams, the wet shoes, flooding etc. this more so after 26/7. Ive grown, Mumbai has grown there are alot more people in Mumbai, the cars have doubled from back then. The Infrastructure of the city crumbles agaisnt the might of the monsoon. So you can say with the rains come additional problems for Mumbaikars especially those who have to deal with water accumalating in their houses.

But for eternal romantics like me, I hardly think about these above mentioned gory details. Ok I admit rains back then were alot more fun compared to today. I still remember running in my chaddies around in the building splashing water, playing in every single puddle of water that had collected in the compound.

Rains have so many joys associated with it those warm cup of coffee and cutting chai, waves crashing agains the walls at marine drive/worli, butta, sitting at home doing nothing but just gazing out the window watching the rain drops.

The other day I was talking to my friend Disha "twisted angel" Diwan and she said something really simple yet so true "Mumbai rains havent lost its charm, its just that we've grown up!"

With that I'd end this post. I'd really love to hear some of your experiences of the rains old or new, It would be so nice if you guys wrote in.

Until then I'm singing in the rain, Just singing in the rain, What a glorious feeling ...I am happy again!